Friday, October 3, 2008

More people in my neighborhood

but these kind don't make me want to sing any Sesame Street songs.

1. The very bad mother driving a silver Lexus yesterday in the early afternoon. I didn't get her name but she has a 4 year old daughter with short dark brown hair and a 18 month old son named Liam.

She's a bad mother because she appeared to be stoned. If she wasn't stoned then she is too stupid to be allowed to keep kids. She didn't watch them. The daughter spent all the time watching the boy. At one point she took the kids to the bathroom. We have a bathroom in the center that is only accessible from the sidewalk. After the kids went it was mom's turn. Mom put the kids on the sidewalk and shut the door with her on the inside, them on the outside. In Westport. With nobody she new out there with the kids. She was in there for 8 min 23 seconds. I think she thought I was going to watch the kids for her. I would have if she had asked. She didn't. She just put them on the sidewalk and shut the door. Of course even if she had asked, she doesn't know anything about me. I'm a balloon artist, I love kids. So do pervs. I'm not one of those, but making balloons isn't all that hard and it's a good way to get to kids - so I'm sure there are kiddie perv balloon artists out there. Mom had no way of knowing if I was one of them.

I wanted to tazer her but officer Cutie didn't have a tazer and he wouldn't shoot her. By the time he got there she was already in her suv getting ready to abandon her kids someplace else.

2. Crazy women

There are lot of those here, but I am referring to the kind that is attracted only to married men. Dan has one, and now my shop neighbor David has one too. Stephanie and I think it's hysterical. Hell, most days we would gift wrap the hubbies for the nut job women who want them. Crazy chics don't know this. They think they are so sly by flirting in front of us or making odd calls in the middle of the night.

Dan's crazy has been quiet for a few months, so I won't mention her name. However if she starts up again I will happily put her name and photo all over Westport. I love Dan and can see her attaraction. However, the way to his heart is NOT by calling me at 2am and saying crazy shit. I wish she would call his cell phone at 2am. Between 1am and 6am I only want to sleep. I'll defend my man's honor after 6, preferrably after coffee.

Dave's crazy just showed up. Today there was a big woman with red hair sitting in her car smoking and staring at Stephanie and me. Odd enough behavior. Then when Dave made an appearance, she jumped out of the car and waddled on over to talk to him. Several times in the conversation she referred to Stephanie as she. Keep in mind that Stephanie was closer to the crazy chic than David. Also, it's good to note that the woman has met Stephanie before and knows that she, not Dave, owns the store. By refusing to speak to Stephanie and using she instead of a name, I guess he was erasing wife from the man of her dreams.

Dave in true man fashion seemed pretty unaware that the crazy was in love with him.

Can't wait to see what happens next. I love crazies.

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